I’ve lost my mojo. I open the refrigerator door and stand there, looking. I don’t want to eat another hard-boiled egg. I just don’t. I’m sick of fruit, of salad, of all those healthy, crispy, bright tasting things I’ve eaten day after day after day. (Weirdly, I’m not tired of yogurt with granola; a most peculiar state given that in the past I couldn’t stomach more than a week of yogurt and I’ve never liked granola with milk. The combination makes a huge difference.) Blissful Brown Cow notwithstanding I am tired of eating sensibly. I am tired of counting steps, I am bored.
Today I ripped open a bag of Bugles and ate a cup and one-third. (Because that’s the serving size.) It’s not that I want to cheat on the diet. In fact, I’ve made the diet nearly cheat-proof by not forbidding myself anything, though Bugles certainly haven’t appeared before today.
Years ago, chocolate and ice cream were seductive as hell, but now… meh. The particular lactose load in ice cream makes me feel ill soon after eating, enough so that I’m not even attracted to it anymore. And chocolate? Well, I’m bored with chocolate. (Even the good stuff.) But today I ate a Heath bar. Just because it was there. I probably wasn’t even hungry. My husband was telling me something while I ate it. I don’t even really remember much beyond throwing away the wrapper.
For weeks, I was in the groove, but now it seems I’m in a rut.
While poking around on the Internet, I found a business article about getting ones employees out of a rut. There were five key points:
Learn to recognize when someone is in a rut (Whining? Check. Moaning? Check. Complaining? Check. Judgmental? Check.) I guess they forgot Cranky.
Discuss what options are available to the individual. (Attitude adjustment? Greater challenges?)
Show the person what they can do to improve or develop. (People don’t see the variety that will keep them in the groove.)
Recognize their strengths and praise the use of those strengths.
Talk often about their career plan.
Those these points are easily adapted to my situation, but there lacks one essential piece of this puzzle. With employment, you have both carrot and stick. If you want to get paid, you’ll adapt to get out of the rut. If you fear losing your job, you’ll make the necessary changes. On the other hand, shouldn’t the future of my health and well-being be at least as important as a paycheck? Of course it should.
So, I’ve identified that I’m in a rut. I can add more variety to my routine by making plans with friends, getting my ass down to the YMCA to sign up, cleaning out the refrigerator and stocking up with some easy-to-snack-on foods that offer some variety from what I’ve been eating for the last four months. I can re-evaluate my goals, give up some, take up others. I can go on walking, but I can add a few other activities that are less monotonous. I can ride the bike.
As to my strengths, I’ve done very well so far. Even though I veer a little of course from time to time, I haven’t given up and I haven’t slid back into all my bad old habits. (In the old days, it would have been to take the bag of Bugles to the couch and consume the entire thing while watching some foreign film.)
I’ve dropped two dress sizes, which means a whole new realm of clothes to wear — and that the old size is now too big. That’s no small achievement. As for my plans, they remain the same and their appeal is as appetizing as it ever was. I don’t want anything surgically replaced. I don’t want heart disease. I don’t want cancer. I don’t want to pant when I run my dog around the show ring.
The least I can do is get up and dance.
Target 54. Steps 2327. Two scrambled eggs, two ounces ham, two peaches. Half a cup of raspberry sorbet. Heath bar. A cup and a third bugles. Two hard-boiled eggs. Maple yogurt with granola.