Where I Am

Whenever I am down about this process of re-making myself, one or two or ten helpful friends remind me that I am so much further along than I would be if I had never started. And that’s true. Though the scale vacillates stubbornly back and forth two or three pounds, I do seem to have stalled out a bit. I had planned that every 8 weeks, I would take a week-long sabbatical and give myself some breathing room. I wonder if that hasn’t come a little early this time.

The sunburn (I know, I do whine, don’t I?) continues to be something distinctly uncomfortable. When my husband laid his hand on my shoulder yesterday, I nearly came unglued from the pain. It astounds me that he could forget. But apparently he does, so now when he comes near me, I raise my hands to remind him. Today the offended skin erupted in thousands of tiny blisters. I feel vaguely reptilian and a little sick.

We did go out for a walk this afternoon– a mile or so through the forest. It was even too hot there, but we managed. As we walked I thought about where I was in this project and what I would do if I truly did not lose another ounce. At first that thought filled me with despair. But that’s ridiculous, it’s nothing to despair of. I think it is a matter of tricking my metabolism again and see if we can’t get the old Tin Lizzy up and running again.

There are so many things to remember along the way, and so many are forgotten. I think the business of eating enough is probably an essential role that most people miss. We think dieting, and to everyone, that means reduce. Eat less, and especially eat less well. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work. A friend who is on a similar journey recently made a concerted effort to concentrate on nutrition, and the results were staggering– first and foremost that she feels so much better.

Me too. Though I am plagued with migraines, they have been well in abatement since I started this. My skin looks better. I have more energy. I am no longer bothered by acid reflux. I do not feel so “draggy.” Though some parts of this are weight-loss and exercise, a huge factor is what I’ve been eating. It’s not perfect all the time, for sure, (today for instance, wasn’t stellar) but across the board I’ve made so many improvements in the way I eat, and what I eat, that I think the benefits will stay with me for a long time.

So even if I never lose another ounce, that’s been a huge saving grace for me. And I will lose more ounces. Probably I will have to buckle down and make a better schedule. Walk with Lori on one day, tennis with Martha on another. Lunch and maybe a quick walk with Gina after a morning doing research at the Library. I need to get back to work on the book. (I have succumbed to summer-itis, where I feel like just loafing around. The 90 degree days contribute to that.) I need to train my puppy. Perhaps I can train the puppy to run alongside the bicycle.  The treadmill beckons.

It feels like I’ve stalled out a bit here. Better to stop kidding myself and start moving forward again.

. . .

Target number 57. Steps today: 6315. Breakfast: two hard-boiled eggs. Half a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Lunch: half a cup of cottage cheese, half a chicken salad sandwich, 4 potato chips, two ounces of Coke, glass of v-8. Dinner: green salad. Yogurt with granola. Two  hard-boiled eggs. 6 ounces of fresh raspberries.

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