O Failure, thou art mine

It started to rain late last night and it’s rained all day today. I could have gone and wandered around the grocery store, or upstairs to the treadmill, but I just didn’t feel like it. I wasn’t motivated. I knew the goal was there and I just didn’t give a damn. And lately, I’ve been nibbling. A few kernels of popcorn here, an extra bit of granola there, a cracker that goes unrecorded. There are some things that I can eat without limitation– fruits and vegetables, but I’m not nibbling on those. I find myself making that dreaded error– standing in front of the refrigerator, wondering what’s to eat. I am failing to ask myself if I am eating because I’m hungry. Sometimes I know I’m not hungry, but I’m eating anyway. Am I eating because I’m bored? Thirsty? Stressed out?  Who knows. I’ve gone way past self-examination in these matters.

I haven’t really looked at the numbers, but I know in my heart of hearts that I have failed to meet them. I have not reached the mark. I didn’t even stretch far reaching for that brass ring, it should be no surprise that I failed to touch it, let alone grab it and hold on. It seems I’m on another plateau and being stuck there sucks the enthusiasm from my bones. I’m not getting the work done that I need to get done– it feels instead like endless circling, waiting for clearance to land, watching the rain sweep across the landscape.

Maybe tomorrow the sun will come out.

The target number for today is 55. I walked 1057 steps.

Number of pounds to lose this week: 2

Number of pounds lost this week: 0

Cumulative number to have lost by this point: 26

Actual cumulative number lost: 25

Number of steps to have walked: 35,000

Actual number of steps walked: 33,297

Cumulative number to have walked: 405,000

Cumulative number walked: 492,656 (186 miles!)

Breakfast: banana, hard-boiled egg, yogurt with granola. Lunch: two Lean Cuisine spring rolls (much better than you might expect) hard-boiled egg, two cups of watermelon. Cup of popcorn midafternoon. Dinner: spinach salad with hard-boiled eggs and bleu cheese, cup of pasta with grilled chicken and vegetables.  Blueberries with yogurt and granola.
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5 thoughts on “O Failure, thou art mine

  1. You are doing an awesome job, it’s the toughest thing in the world to drop those pounds. About the time you started your program I tried to start mine. I lost 5 lbs, stayed there for over a month and gave up, now I am back to where I started. Not to mention, we need those hormones like we has as youths to drop the pounds easily. Very discouraging to feel deprived and not see progress, but hang on you are inspiring me!!!

  2. Larkin, you are human. It’s normal to want a little variety, stress/hormone/emotional eat, and even nibble when your bored. We ALL do it. Forgive yourself and move forward! Maybe seek out a Farmers Market to venture to or a Nursery to walk through some flowering plants for a change of pace? Or maybe give yourself a reward … after that walk, maybe Pedicure with a fun/funky color you wouldn’t ordinarily get? 25 pounds is GREAT! Have you looked through those dresses in your closet you’ve got for your goal? You are 25 lbs closer to them! Maybe a trip out to some stores to find an accessory for them … a new shoe, a new hat, a new scarf, a new pin, a new handbag? Some little something to spark you onward. You’ve done VERY well so far. It’s NOT easy. It’s okay to be human. You just have to spark yourself over this plateau to keep moving toward the goal. We’re all out here pulling for you!

  3. I am humbled by your incredible kindnesses. I know I would have given up weeks ago if I didn’t have such great support. Sue does have lots of wonderful ideas, and I will use some of them. I didn’t mean to sound so despondent. It would be better if I didn’t have too many “missed” weeks, but I’m still pretty sanguine about this week. Week after week of this could get pretty brutal, but I am optimistic that the next accounting will be better.

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