I got nothin’. Tonight I’m not interested in being witty or thoughtful or bringing you wonderful new ideas about food, or weight loss or diet. I am cranky and out of sorts. It bothers me that there’s been so little response from the little town in Montana where we both lived to the death of a wonderful woman this week. I guess when you leave that place you are gone for good, gone and forgotten. So be it. Funny thing is one of the reasons I moved to Montana in the first place is because I wasn’t strong enough to stay in Boston and bury more friends as they died from AIDS. Then I went to Montana and I went to more funerals than ever before. Once a month I look in the online version of the paper from the big town over the hill and count the people we know in the obituaries. Anyway, it’s not just that. Or it’s not really that. Or something.
I just have ennui.
The dog and I went for a walk this afternoon. He abandoned me to drag a log out of the river. I kept walking. I turned several times to call him, but he would only look up briefly and go back to pouncing, jumping, gnawing. Eventually I sat down in the grass, put my head on my knees and saw a picture in my mind’s eye as clearly as I could: the dog running to me along the grassy levee. In a moment or two, I looked up and he was speeding towards me. There’s so much about communication with dogs that we don’t even begin to understand.
When I started this endeavor, I was tired of food and bored with eating. But the project invigorated me and suddenly food was alive again– something to be savored, the object of daydreams, fascinating. Well, now that’s worn off. My husband despairs at my near-constant desire to go out to eat. It’s just that I’m so damn bored with food, at least a restaurant has entertainment value. I don’t know, maybe tomorrow will be better. I did think that one day next week, in lieu of doing a written post that I would just photograph everything I ate.
But really, who cares? Yesterday’s blog post got a number of hits, but no comments and no possible answer to my question- how do I eat enough? And really, this is ridiculous, I can hardly raise the interest to write, why should anyone care to read? Don’t answer that.
Target number is 56. Steps walked 5037. Consumed yogurt and granola, two hard-boiled eggs, banana, cup of cottage cheese, cherry tomatoes, orange, three dark chocolate waffeletten, cheese quesadilla, and two cups of watermelon.