I’ve lost 19 pounds and I can’t see one damn bit of difference. I feel a little different– not so easily winded, a bit stronger, but when I look in the mirror I see the same old me. We all know about dysmorphia– seeing your body as something different than it is, though generally it’s used to describe anorexic or bulimic girls who look in the mirror and see themselves as fat, not fat girls who are still seeing the thinner person they used to be. It isn’t that we don’t know that we’re fat. We know that. It’s just that we hope that we look better than we think we do.
This is probably why photographs are so shocking. Do I really look like that? Is that how the rest of the world sees me? How embarrassing. It’s a tough blow every time. I recently ran across an interesting website called My Body Gallery: What Real Women Look Like. You can enter any height and weight and there are photos of women to match. It’s a real eye-opener. A particular weight, let’s say 225, looks very different on different women. I used to weigh 130 pounds, and it is stunning to me to see just how thin that is. Was.
Might be again.
Today’s target number is 61. I walked 6039 steps. On the menu: yogurt with granola, Mediterranean salmon salad (greens, grilled salmon, olives, feta cheese, tangerine) 5 mozzarella bocconcini, apple, chocolate pastry, 4 oz filet, half a cob of corn, half cup rice pudding with nutmeg. I love nutmeg.